Life or something like it

This week has been rough….

Since last Friday, I’ve been slammed with the worst sinus/upper respiratory/ear infection.I am as of now- not completely over my sickness, but I can report that I feel less like the plague. My husband has been a life-saver; after a year and a half of marriage I think we’ve finally got the “in sickness, and in health” thing down especially after this week.

Early Easter morning I woke up from a dead sleep with a piercing ear ache. I slept through the alarm, woke up 20 minutes late but was still determined to go to church. I’m not exactly sure how I managed to get there, with the way I was feeling, but I made it all in one piece…. at least externally.

After service, I still felt terrible that I opted to stay home and sleep instead of eating lunch…. not just lunch- Easter lunch. No ham, no crescent rolls, no fruit cobbler….. It made my heart sad.

Monday rolled around and I still felt like death warmed over. I spent the morning self-medicating with what I later found out was 3 and 4-year-old sinus relief medicine that we had  stashed in our cabinets; it provided no relief.  Thankfully, my husband, who had the day off, didn’t mind taking his sick wife to the clinic.

Kleenex, Powerade, and Mucinex have been my best friends this week

Before we left, I got a call from my Mom; I thought she was calling to check up on me since I left a very terrible sounding message on her voicemail the day before, but I later found out that she was calling for other reasons.

My cousin, A., had been in a head-on collision; the other driver, a young mother, didn’t make it.

Bad news: It’s just not something you can ever prepare yourself for. Learning what had happened made me feel numb and powerless; knowing that I was here in Knoxville while my family was in Michigan. I felt defeated and weak in body and soul. I knew that there was nothing that I could do except pray, and even in my state, it felt like not enough.

The night of the accident, I got a call from a family member that told me more about A.’s condition; that he had been severely injured from the neck down, including a lacerated liver, but had no head injuries to speak of even though he wasn’t wearing his seatbelt.

I don’t know why bad things happen. I won’t lay claim to know how God works, but I know he does. It’s a tested confidence that I am even more aware of. That even when bad times come, He is still God, still good, and still in control. I believe what it says, “that he does all things for good”, that even while  this terrible freak accident that is still fresh, I believe completely that there will be good that comes out of it. I don’t know what it is, but I can only hope that in this season that even in our weakness we’ll be made strong.

He has never, in any point in my life, given me an opportunity to doubt. His love is alive and real, and I know that just as much as my heart hurts for my family, His aches too. Not just for mine, but for the woman who lost her life as well; God’s love doesn’t discriminate.

Random Act

I’m not sure what made me do it.

Last Sunday, on my way home from church I did something I have never done before.

I gave water to a homeless man on the side of the road.

I have to be honest and say that my first reaction was to lock my door, even though I was four cars away from him, even with my husband in the car in front of me, I still felt uncomfortable.

I admit I wanted to ignore him. But something in my heart welled up. I glanced up as I saw him retrieve a dollar bill from a car in the next lane. I felt ashamed.

He looked old. And sad. And so desperate.

I wondered about who he was, if he had a wife and grandkids, and what had happened that cause him to stand outside on the exit ramp in nearly 80 degree weather. Who was I to judge him?

I decided I had to do something, but I knew I had no money. I had nothing to give him, and it made me feel sick; in my rear view mirror I saw the sunlight reflecting off of a pack of water left over from a road trip I took with John from the day before. There wasn’t a second more to think- I mashed my foot harder on the brake pedal and did a matrix backbend to grab the water. I rolled down my window and stuck the bottle of water out , “Hey! You want some water?”

Matrix backbend- quiet a feat if you're still strapped in your seat belt.

He ran over. I wondered how he was going to react, if he would be mad that I didn’t have any money, I prepared myself for the worst. I knew that Johnny was in front of me so if anything happened he’d be right there. When the man finally reached my window all I could muster out was “It’s not opened”, I felt like an absolute idiot.

“Thank you, thank you so much”, with tears welling he reached for the water. I looked up to see the cars in front of me starting to pull away. I didn’t look back , and I don’t remember if he said anything else as I drove away. I was tearing up too as I turned on our street. “It’s not a big deal,” I kept thinking, “I just gave what I could,”. But I realized it was to that man. And that even as an insecure unemployed college graduate I felt so unequipped to do anything; I had been so wrapped up in my issues that I couldn’t think of anyone else but myself, but in that moment, I had exactly what I needed to give away. Maybe, the truth is I always have.

When I got out of the car at our house, my husband was beaming. I admit I almost wanted him not to notice what I had done, but when he gave me a big hug, I knew that he had.

“Sweetheart, you make my heart happy!”

I don’t know what made me do it. I didn’t do it for brownie points or to get noticed, or even for a favor, I knew there was nothing this man had to give back to me. I did it because it was the right thing to do; I believe more that you can get fulfillment from a small random act of kindness then you can from  anything monetary.

It is so easy to go about your day oblivious of what’s around you, believe I know, but it is so hard to look for opportunities to give. So dear Reader, whoever you are, let me urge you with this: Aesop, in one of his tales wrote that “No act of kindness, however small, is wasted”. So do it. Go out of your way to show some kindness to someone. It’s radical.